


3 Dudes and a FedEx Box

by KingBlueberryGem



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingBlueberryGem/pseuds/KingBlueberryGem
Summary: Various one-offs that aren't really related to anything, taking place during whatever phase. Just dealing with writer's block at the moment so figured this might be fun for now.





	1. Phase 1: Murdoc Almost Drowns a Kid

"Īe! Watashi wa furo ga hoshikunai!" Noodle kicked her feet as she tried to worm her way out of Russel's hold on her. "Īe! Īe! Īe!"

It had been a few days since the small guitarist had arrived, and it had just donged on them that this girl probably hadn't had a bath in days, maybe even weeks, and while the boys were no strangers to bad hygiene, they all still showered and cleaned themselves at least once a week. The problem was that Noodle didn't want a bath, and had to be physically brought to the bathroom when she refused to move.

"You're only making it worse on yourself, girl." Russel smiled as the child gave a small huff. "It's not like it's life threatanin'. Just a quick wash. You'll feel better after."

"Oroka..." She muttered in response as she was finally set down on the bathroom floor where 2-D was leaning over a tub full of water. "Toochie!" Her yell startled the blue haired singer and he turned back around to look at Noodle.

"Oh... rea'y fo' yo' baf, Noodle?" He smiled, but only got a glare in return. "Ah... Wha's wrong, love?"

"Watashi wa furo ga hoshikunai." She repeated for maybe the tenth time in the past thirty minutes. 2-D tilted his head and she squinted in thought, trying to remember the English words to state her protest. "Ah... No... Want bath." She stated, which only made the singer laugh.

"Yeah, I di'n' much like bafs neifer as a kid. But ya go'a take one." He leaned down near Noodle and sniffed. "Ya kinda smell, real bad."

Noodle puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms. "No bath."

"Wha' if I took it wif ya? Woul' tha' help?"

"Dude no..." Russel gave 2-D a strange look. "She's ten and you're like twenty or somethin', that's just weird."

"Wha? No i's not! Me mum use' to take bafs wif me as a kid!"

"Yeah, but that's your mom, not some girl you've only known for a week."

"Well yeah, but isn' it the same kin'a thing?"

"No! You can't just take a bath with a ten year old, 'D, I can't believe I have to explain that..." Russel went into a mutter as he left the bathroom, thinking maybe he could bribe Noodle into the bath somehow.

"I was jus' tryin' to 'elp, mate!" 2-D shifted then looked back at Noodle. "Come on, love, i'll be a lo' easier if you do this yo'self."

She stuck her tongue out at the bluenette, then turned her head away as Murdoc entered the bathroom as well.

"What are you doing in 'ere, Faceache?" He moved his eyes from the bath, to the angry kid standing beside the sink. Then he realized. "Tryin' to give the brat a bath, eh?" When the singer nodded, Murdoc scrunched his nose. He didn't much care for the kid, but they couldn't record if they couldn't stand to be around the young guitarist. "Only one way to give a kid a bath." He then picked up Noodle and threw her into the tub of not freezing but cold enough to be uncomfortable water, causing a scream from the youngest band member.

"Dōshite son'na koto o shimashita?!" Noodle yelled as Murdoc took the helmet off her head and dunked her underwater completely. 2-D screamed as well and ran to get Russel, hoping the drummer could calm the situation. Of course this left Murdoc with an angry and now soaking wet Noodle.

The Englishman dumped a blob of shampoo on the kid's head and did his best to work it in as the small girl fought against him. "'old still ya li'l twit..." He mutter. "Who doesn' like a bath? Weirdo..." He dunked her under the water again, and held her head under to rinse the shampoo out. Noodle kicked her feet and flailed her arms, which only splashed water around the bathroom and pissed Murdoc off more. "If you don't stop, I'll leave ya under!"

"What are you doin', man?! You're gonna drown the kid!" Russel pushed the satanist out of the way, and 2-D stood at the door watching the scene unfold. "She ain't a damn fish!"

"Will you relax, she's fine." Noddle sat up in the tub coughing and trying to get the water out of her eyes while sputtering different nonsense in Japanese. "See? No sense cryin' over a soggy Noodle." Murdoc laughed and the girl climbed out of the water and kicked him in the shin. "Augh! Stupid little..." He shook his fist at her, but settled for leaving the room and muttering when the drummer glared at him.

"Ībirugurīndoragon." She crossed her arms starting to shiver. "Noodle... Uhm... Cold." She looked up at Russel with a sad face. Her clothes were soaked, and they all knew she didn't have any spares yet. They really needed to go shopping for this kid.

"I know, kid." Russel wrapped a towel around the small guitarist. "'D, go get a shirt or somethin'." The singer nodded and rushed off to his room to find a shirt that wouldn't be overly huge. "A'ight, you dry yourself off, girl. I'll be outside the door if you need me."

With that Russel left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Noodle to herself. The ten year old tossed her wet clothes on the floor and dried herself with the towel. At the very least she was clean, even if she wasn't very happy about it. She noticed the door open a little and 2-D's hand holding out a shirt and a pair of shorts for her.

She tried the shorts on but there was no way they were going to fit her, so she tossed them with her wet clothes and strolled out of the bathroom in the shirt. It was one of 2-D's old shirts so it fit a little better but it still covered the short girl's feet and hands. "Sore wa ōki sugiru." She lifted up her arms showing off the long sleeves that trapped her hands in the shirt, and flailed them a little. 2-D and Russel smiled.

"You look so cu'e, Noods!" The skinny bluenette picked Noodle up and sniffed her hair. "Smell much be'er too!"

"Just don't fight so much, girl. Or we're gonna have to just spray you with the hose, instead." Russel chuckled and ruffles the girl's hair, but she only tilted her head at him trying to understand what he said. "Eh... Never mind... C'mon, let's get you lunch and we'll get you some clothes later."

"Hai!" She smiled at the thought of lunch. Now that she wasn't fighting Murdoc, she was starving.


	2. Phase: 1, 2, and 5: Trouble

"Noodle, what did you do?"

"Nothing." Was the response Russel got when he questioned the young teen. An obvious lie, she was covered in, what he assumed, was flower. Which meant she had been in the kitchen trying to bake, which was not exactly a good thing when the kid couldn't even see over the counter yet. He pushed past the small child, who tapped her fingers together nervously.

When he stepped into the kitchen, he was shocked, to say the least. Flour was everywhere, a long with an over flowing sink and some kind of batter leaked from an over turned bowl on the floor. How did a kid cause this much of a mess in the ten minutes it took him to walk down from his room? It was insane!

"Noodle Hobbs!" He turned to the girl, who had already ran off, leaving a trail of flour. "When I find you, you're grounded!"  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
Smoking was something Noodle had taken up around a year ago. She didn't do it often, and the guys had no idea, but every now and then she'd sneak out back and light a cigarette. She didn't have her own, so she normally stole a pack from Murdoc's Winnie. It wasn't like he was counting them, anyway. She couldn't wait until she could buy her own, though.

Four more years....

She took a drag from the cigarette and gave a sigh and and exhale. It was nice and sunny outside, warm. Probably a little too warm for her long sleeve shirt, but whatever.  
"Noodle Pot!" The guitarist jumped, and dropped her cigarette as she turned her head. 2-D stood in the door way, arms crossed over his chest. "Are you smokin' ou' 'ere?! You're way too young fo' tha'!"

Now 2-D used to smoke at fourteen, but things had been different then. He was young and stupid, and it was considered 'the cool thing to do', but Noodle was better than that.  
"I...." She started, but there really wasn't a point in lying. He may be dense, but he wasn't completely stupid. "Are you going to tell Russel?"

He thought for a moment. Russel would give her a whole lecture if he went and told, and she didn't really need that. "No." He said after a while. "Do you 'ave anymore?" Noodle stared at him for a minute, then sighed and pulled the pack out of her pocket and handed it to him. 2-D smiled, took the pack, and shoved it into his own pocket for later. "Good. Now, eh, I suppose I go'a punish you somehow...." After a second, he looked back at her. "No video games for... ten days."

"What?" She gave him a look of betrayal, the groaned. "Fine, whatever..." With that she headed back inside, muttering to herself.  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
"Noodle Niccals." Murdoc shook his head in disappointment as he walked to the geep with the disgruntled teenager. "I can't believe you!"

She rubbed the back of her head. "It wasn't me. It was a group of boys, they-"

"You got arrested!" He shouted as they got into the car. "You're lucky Russel and Faceache didn't find out! They'd throw a damn fit!"

"Sorry...." She muttered, leaning against the door as they took off down the road. Noodle had gotten involved with some group of older teenage boys. Admittedly, she just wanted to impress them before the band carried on with their tour, so she agreed to help them shoplift some petty items. Long story short, she was caught and the boys got off scott free. What bullshit. At least Murdoc was the one to pick her up from the station. He was right, Russel would kill her if he knew and 2-D would be disappointed. "I didn't do anything, though...."

"I believe you."

"Thanks."

"But you're still grounded."

"What?!" She whipped her head around to look at him. "Why?!"

Murdoc laughed. "For getting caught."  
\--------------------------------------------------------  
"What would you say is your relationship with the rest of the band?"

The twenty eight year old leaned back in the chair, and looked from her band mates to the interviewer. "As I've said for the past few years, they are like my dads. Crazy, overprotective, stupid, and sometimes asshole dads, but I know I can go to one of them with a certain problem and get a half decent answer." She smiled. "We fight, but what family doesn't?"

"True. Now, as far as we're aware you have no legal last name. When you got in trouble, would they ever make one up or...?"

The smile turned into a mischievous smirk. "Allow me to show you." Leaning forward, she picked up the three half empty coffee cups, and dumped them in the laps of each of the boys. Each one screamed and stood, while the girl sat back and laughed a little with the interviewer.

"Noodle Hobbs-"

"-Pot-"

"-Niccals-"

"-GUITARIST OF GORILLAZ!" The guys shouted in unison. "YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

Noodle grinned. "Let's continue...."


End file.
